Quotes by Woody Allen

Not only is there no god, but try getting a plumber on weekends.

If there is a God

If it turns out that there is a God, I don’t think that he’s evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he’s an underachiever.

Ninety percent of life

Ninety percent of life is just showing up.

The lion and the calf

The lion and the calf shall lie down together, but the calf won't get much sleep.